That awkard conversation!

You never thought the day would come when you have to talk to your parents about their budget, their future plans… the roles have been reversed!

But it is an extremely important conversation to have and one that is necessary, sooner rather than later! Don’t stress, don’t make it into a big deal, but here are some things you should ask and some things you should know:

Do they have a Will? Living Will? Healthcare Proxy? Power of Attorney? Where are they located? Does everyone named as agent know and are they in agreement that they will serve?

Who is their financial advisor? When was the last time they met with them? Have they updated the financial advisor on cost of living, retirement goals, and health care needs? When was the last time their Will was updated? Does their estate planning attorney know all the assets they have?

What are their goals? Live at home? What if one partner gets sick or needs more care? Live-in help? Do they have stairs to climb? A shower seat or handrails?

When will they stop driving and are there resources (community transportation etc) to help them continue to remain independent?

Where are their assets? Are they all with one financial company? Are there stocks or CDs or bonds elsewhere that you may not know about? Is there life insurance? How many credit cards do they have, including store cards?

Are you a named contact on accounts? If they stop paying a premium will you be notified? Do the banks and financial advisor know who the POA is?

This might be the time to think about not only downsizing their home, but their accounts. Combine them into one or two!

Is the funeral prepaid?

Who do they want making decisions on their behalf? (see above re agents named in those very crucial documents) These answers should be the same for both!

If they want to move to independent or assisted living, where? What amenities are important?

Are their beneficiaries named on their IRAs etc.? If so, do they understand that those designations supercede their Will?

This all sounds terrifying, right? You know what’s worse? Trying to figure out the answers to these questions from a client with dementia or Alzheimers. Having these conversations won’t mean that something bad will happen sooner, it does however mean that you will be better prepared and less stressed when it does.

The important take-away is to be calm, don’t argue, respect your parents’ wishes and make sure they know that you are just trying to make sure those wishes are honored.